My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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