Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
