Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
