it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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