walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
