If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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