tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
