I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
