ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
