Duck Duck Cougar?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
