upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
