His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
