the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
