I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Bring me that man meat
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
