it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
