He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
