playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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