ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
