Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
handjob tips. give me some.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
