please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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