I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
