I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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