Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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