apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
