Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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