this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
