Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
