Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
