How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
