someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
