You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
