Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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