overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You are a genius and a whore.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
