i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
