your thong is hanging out like whoa
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
