I got chris browned last night
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
