If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
