I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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