Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
