she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
