I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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