in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
