I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
