I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
