I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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