I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
