Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
