10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
