It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
