in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
