I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I didn't notice because vodka
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
