Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
