I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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