She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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